Facebook Funny Status

My idea of “friends with benefits” is another one of my friends doing my laundry. What were you people thinking.. I have morals. 🙂 Image

I Like to study, arithmetic, NO… world history, NO… chemistry, NO… GIRLS, YES! 🙂 Image

I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one. 🙂 Image

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. 🙂 Image

I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul-mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza. 🙂 Image

Want to surprise your girlfriend? Introduce her to your wife.  🙂 Image

I know that you know that I know what you know and you know what they know so I know what you know they know, you know? 🙂 Image

Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain! 🙂 Image

Year 2036? Son: “Dad, how did you meet mom?” DAD: “My son… it all started with a friend request on Facebook. 🙂 Image

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, i am afraid of widths.   🙂 Image

BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care. 🙂 Image

Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside. 🙂 Image

Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being. 🙂 Image

Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture. 🙂 Image

Dear smartphones, why can`t you charge yourself? Sincerely, you`re not so smart after all. 🙂 Image

Definition of human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper. 🙂 Image

Taking revenge is wrong… very very wrong… But very very fun… 🙂 Image

Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway. 🙂 Image

what is over confidence we see the world suffering. we know there is a possibilty of same or similar things happening to us. but still we get married.? 🙂 Image

Even if I was home alone for six hours, my tv didn’t work, computer was broken, phone wasn’t charged and I lost the charger… I STILL wouldn’t do my homework. 🙂 Image

Either my eyes need checking or you’re the best looking guy I have seen. 🙂 Image

Kiss me and you will see how important I am. 🙂 Image

how tp catch a squrrel? climb up a tree and just be yourself.squirrels will come to you on their own . because they just love nuts! 🙂 Image

“student friendly sign board” sign post outside our collage-“drive carefully! don’t kill the sutdent, wait for the lecturers”. 🙂 Image

they say that when a man holds a woman’s hand fefore marriage it is love: after marrige: it is self-defen 🙂 Image

A sweetheart like you is the frosting on the birthday cake of life!  🙂 Image

just finished my 6 minute upper body workout-it was pretty easy: ram down, pick up food, arm up put food in mouth. switch arms….. 🙂 Image

Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does 🙂 Image

Just got called by the mental hospital… they want ONE of my Facebook friends back…Who was it? 🙂 Image

Top answers of Teachers
If they don’t know the answers:
1) I think the question is wrong…
2) I Will tell you tomorrow…
3) Don’t ask foolish questions…
4) You will study this in the next class…
And the most important one is:
5) Nice question, Raise your hands who know the Answer 🙂 Image

Universal truth we learnt:-
“Sun rises in the east”
Fact:-
“Sun neither rises nor sets; only earth rotates..!”
Moral:-
“Education ruins us!” 🙂 Image

When The Teacher Says “GET OUT”
It Means…
You Have Won the
ARGUMENT 🙂 Image

If ‘U’ need ‘SPACE’ then join ‘NASA’ Dear. 🙂 Image

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry? 🙂 Image

Math – mental abuse to humans. 🙂 Image

God is busy right now may i help you.? 🙂 Image

I want a SLAP button instead of the POKE button… 🙂 Image

I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a car and asked for forgiveness. 🙂 Image

I’ve just enrolled on a course called “Understanding the Female Mind”. It lasts a lifetime, costs you every last penny and has a 0% pass rate. 🙂 Image

Facebook is the only place you can talk to a wall and it talk’s back. 🙂 Image

Do I have 2 requests God to improve your taste..! 🙂 Image

I need six months Vacation, twice a year… 🙂 Image

Behind every successful status update there is Ctrl + C & Ctrl + v. 🙂 Image

Attitude rocks!!
Boy said: “i love you”
Girl said: “OMG”
“What a coincidence…?”
“I love myself too” 🙂 Image

A husband gave the key of his new car to wife
with a warning
“Darling,
if u met with accident, newspapers will print your age!” 🙂 Image

Save your breath, you’ll need it to blow up your date. 🙂 Image

Save a horse ride a cowboy. 🙂 Image

Santa is always jolly, He knows where the naughty  girls live. 🙂 Image

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know. 🙂 Image

OH MY GOD, The rain’s wet.. 🙂 Image

Face your problems don’t Facebook your problems. 🙂 Image

Facebook is a crazy house People poke each other all day have an imaginary pet farm and talk to walls. 🙂 Image

Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters. 🙂 Image

Bad decisions make good stories. No wonder people find me so entertaining.. 🙂 Image

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday 🙂 Image

Hanry says my mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. 🙂 Image

Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight? 🙂 Image

Lary is wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can’t they invent a self cleaning house? 🙂 Image

Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 🙂 Image

The funny thing about Facebook is you can talk about one person and it makes 20 others think it’s about them. 🙂 Image

Dear Facebook, if don’t quit changing we are going to leave you just like we did my space. 🙂 Image

Facebook is like boys, one you understand them, they change. 🙂 Image

Before Facebook existed, writing on someone’s wall was considered a crime and poking someone was consider foreplay. 🙂 Image

Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. 🙂 Image

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful…..hate me because…. Well ….. Okay…..hate me because I am beautiful! 🙂 Image

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A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min…
A beer shortens your life by 4 min…
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours! 🙂 Image

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Girls work on their looks but not their minds Because they know boys are stupid, not blind.  🙂 Image

Nothing is illegal until you get caught. 🙂 Image

Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday. 🙂 Image

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really? That’s the sperm that won. 🙂 Image

Nothing moves faster than a girl un-tagging herself from an ugly picture. 🙂 Image

Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money. 🙂 Image

I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat. 🙂 Image

Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW. 🙂 Image

I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi. 🙂 Image